Anxiety about upcoming visit

Anxiety about upcoming visit

I just want to start by saying despite all good intentions from commenters - NC is literally not an option for me. I knew it coming into this marriage, so I have to find a way to deal with my MIL. Ok so you can see from my post history that my relationship with my MIL went to shit after my son was born six months ago. She came to stay with us (we live abroad) for way too long following his birth and it caused me a lot of genuine trauma. Like I’m talking, I broke down sobbing on the floor of kitchen several times during her first visit because of a) her comments and b) my husband’s response. My husband has done A LOT of reflection in the months following and has owned up to his part. He acknowledges his mistakes and pretty much agrees with me on everything. He knows she overstepped on several fronts and has spoken to her at length about her behaviour. He has forbidden her to comment on serval topics and will go as far as telling her to shut up when she oversteps (over the phone). After some time apart, I agreed that she can come visit for two weeks (NOT SIX) very soon. I do want my son to have a relationship with his family and it’s very isolating for him being abroad with us. My parents can’t come (visa problems), so it is what it is. I’ve laid out a couple of ground rules with mr husband, which he will address with her when she comes (there’s a language barrier between she and I but she does speak English). Despite all of this, I am filled anxiety constantly when I think about her coming. She genuinely is a good person. But her obsession and love for my son makes me uncomfortable and her incessant commentary and outdated advice are exhausting. She thinks she can say whatever she wants because it comes from a good place. I disagree. I’m all alone here and I’ve done my absolute best for my son. I’ve struggled with PPA/PPD and isolation but I’ve always shown up for him in my darkest moments. He and I are all that we have and our bond is so dear to me (as with all mothers haha). I’m very sensitive when it comes to parenting decisions because I’m not a confident person. One example is that my husband and I opted to sleep train. I didn’t sleep for 5 months and I was a shell of a human. Was waking every 40 mins and I was losing scary weight. I was miserable and one instance had me fainting from sleep deprivation and we found my blood pressure was borderline hospitalisation level. Paediatrician told us to sleep train. We did. It was brutal. He cried. I cried. But it worked. He sleeps amazingly now and is happier for it. I feel human. My husband and I have reconnected. But I am very sensitive about this decision because I know it’s controversial. My baby now follows a very strict schedule with wake windows and all that and as a result he sleeps 10-11 hours through the night independently with no wakes. That being said, MIL has been cruel about it. When my husband said baby can sometimes fuss in the crib for a few mins before falling asleep she said “what kind of mother can listen to that. Just pick the baby up. You two are so cruel”. Or something like that. My husband told her to STFU and this is what we’ve decided to do but she still doesn’t like the idea of him going into the crib instead of being rocked or fed to sleep (easy to say when she wasn’t the one doing it for five months). She constantly makes comments about our routine and schedule and will say he always looks tired and “just let him sleep”. Even he literally woke up from a nap 30 mins ago. She constantly makes comments about his socks and how he doesn’t wear them (it’s hot in our flat), etc. it’s easy to ignore these things when it’s over the phone but I am petrified to have her here. My husband works all day and idk how to handle these comments if he’s not here. He told me he’s told her she forbidden to comment on his sleep or his schedule but I know she won’t be able to resist. Sleep training was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life but it was a necessity for me. Beyond all of this - my son is also very attached to me now because he doesn’t meet a lot of new people. It’s hard for me to away from him or not hold him for more than like 45 mins. When he was a newborn she would hold him constantly and I kind of just allowed it because I was so exhausted. But now it’s different… he’s my little bff and I don’t want her monopolising him when he’s awake but I also don’t want to be accused of keeping him from her. Idk guys… sorry for them rambling post. I’m so anxious about this visit that I’m having panic attacks and creating fake scenarios in my mind. Any advice that doesn’t involve going no contact? How to deal with her a) comments and b) wanting to hold my son all day while husband is at work?

Logged into my fanfiction.net account for the first time in years, I tried to update my profile, and then...

I dunno what got into me to log into my fanfiction.net account since... I think 2019? maybe it was nostalgia? So, I decided to take a look at my profile, and in a whim I decided to update it. Like, who gives, let's update this thing. And, easy peasy, I saved it, I logged out (I also made another couple of changes, like updating my pw, as I didn't think it was too strong - however, it was time for me to do an update there, as well). That was yesterday by the way. And then, half a hour ago I found out that my profile was turned back to how it was before I updated, lmao. It's not like I wanted to rewrite the whole thing, and I did (I even saved it on a text processor doc just in case), but that leaves me more questions than answers. I know ff-net hasn't been... healthy-healthy UI/UX wise for years, and I am not going too deep with this, but... have they changed something in the lines of how long it does take to reflect an update in your user profile? The last time I changed it was in **2016**, so I barely remember if there was some difference of time it would reflect in the actual URL profile itself. However... did they change something else in the span of this past decade? Something akin to AO3 forbidding to post links to your personal online store/Patreon (I know posting links in your ff.net profile has been broken to "avoid spam" since 2014). I remember writing in my profile about my stance about ff.net as a whole and that maybe "the platform wasn't for me anymore giving how broken/archaic it feels" (I say this as I am also trying to understand AO3's own system tools). The only thing is that I wrote this whole in Spanish, so I dunno what exactly went on there. And since I saw it got back to its latest edit (made almost 9 years ago, which made my teeth grit when I found out :)) ), I tried to be concise and change what I originally meant (reworded everything, although I did censor "AO3", and even "webcomic" just for the kicks of it, although I did mention "cross-posting") and rewrote it as a whole. I tried to look for similar cases or what, but I didn't find anything nor even recent, so I'm a bit lost. Again, I know ff.net is... well, like *that* with its UX, but.. come on. (At leat, I copied what I wrote this time to NOT write it all over ONCE again).

关闭国际开发署这个全球影响力组织和马斯克积极影响欧洲选举政治的行为在逻辑上是连贯的

关闭国际开发署这个全球影响力组织和马斯克积极影响欧洲选举政治的行为在逻辑上是连贯的

在过去，美国要输出秩序，具体地是输出一个可以安全投资，获取资源的控制力，需要的是在当地建立一个支持美国的价值观的政治势力和影响力，这是很容易想象。但是受制于时代和技术手段，这只能通过“普世价值观”这种替代了资本主义和共产主义争霸后的大旗去做。秩序可以让美国的技术投资优势得到保护，可以让当地从各种独裁或者极权折腾中变成一个起码是发展型的社会，哪怕它本身是独裁，有不稳定的倾向，亲美的力量也可以和美国配合，摁住这样的力量。看似资助了其他国家的政治势力，还肥了其他国家，但是本身全球贸易就是一个滚雪球的游戏模式，让滚雪球游戏进行下去，赢家其实一直会是最早滚雪球的。甚至乎受益的其他国家如果没有得到经济发展期里能得出的“硬通货”科技和人才储备，其实像产业链优势和工业人力基础什么的，只要有竞争者能存在，在一个技术手段上就没有太多门槛，生产潜力总是供过于求的市场上，有产业链也是翻不起太大的声浪的，想靠产业链顶替科技优势，除非是趁机颠覆世界秩序打仗，或者更不切实际地指望“文化软实力”和科研爆种。 而且全球化本身对发达国家自己根本没有“损害” [论述过程](https://www.reddit.com/r/KanagawaWave/comments/1igjvyz/%E5%B7%9D%E6%99%AE%E7%9A%84%E4%B8%BE%E5%8A%A8%E8%AF%81%E6%98%8E%E7%BE%8E%E5%9B%BD%E4%B8%AD%E4%BA%A7%E5%B8%82%E6%B0%91%E9%98%B6%E7%BA%A7%E5%92%8C%E5%90%83%E7%9A%87%E7%B2%AE%E7%9A%84%E5%8A%B3%E5%B7%A5%E4%B9%8B%E9%97%B4%E5%B0%B1%E6%98%AF%E6%9C%89%E4%B8%8D%E5%8F%AF%E8%B0%83%E5%92%8C%E7%9A%84%E7%9F%9B%E7%9B%BE%E4%BB%A5%E5%8F%8A%E8%B5%84%E6%9C%AC%E4%B8%BB%E4%B9%89%E7%9A%84%E7%9C%9F%E6%9C%AB%E8%B7%AF/) ，只不过是发达国家里存在一群不肯干服务业，天天想着自己“本应”能做在摩天大楼洗钱或者干制造业成为资本家的“工人”而已。 在这个前提下，资助他国政治力量似乎是完全正确的，而且是极端有利可图的——尤其对在中国有重大的商业利益的马斯克自己来说，一个太强大的中国肯定是伤害他的投资利益的。为什么就要废除/削减这种存在？ 因为时代变了。 以前必须用钱和光辉形象去收买的他国杰出知识分子，指望他们影响当地政治的模式现在正在被一个更加信息化时代的手段，更有效且难以与旧模式相容的手段挑战。在网络时代，在文化战争时代，美国的存在感与其说是靠“普世价值观”这种光辉形象去影响别人，还不如说是靠自身的文化带来的流量去影响别人。以前信息闭塞，对中上阶层搞宣传只需要摆数据和炫富炫成果，但是网络时代一到，刁民靠自媒体得到权力，所有的目光自然也会向民间迁移，信息化时代带来的大众主义——民粹主义，实际上就已经让普世价值观的存在成为了一个太过虚伪的装饰。更不用说随着手机的普及，短视频的普及，其他国家的民众的政治自主性也在增长，对于他们而言，“发展”“文明的成果”是一种很遥远的东西，远远没有亲身参与的一些非常简单的社会常识性议题有效。 男女对立，富豪的装逼（在中国本来也有马云和刘强东等炒作狗），更加家长里短的屁事，一些关于自己想变成哪种社会阶层的期待和幻想。这些东西对大众的吸引力远远高于光辉的国会大厦和华盛顿纪念碑所暗示的那种“文明”成果。 随之而来的还有流量经济，有流量就有钱，甚至致富无数俨然新的强大的产业力量，自媒体高于传统媒体还说不上（但是已经分庭抗礼了），但是媒体平台——提供流量受益的规则早就牢牢地加在了所有消费品行业之上。不是只有靠舆论影响政治的用处，人是早就独立出去变成独立的经济模式了。在这种强大的新潮流拍打上岸的时代，美国能提供的最好的秩序输出方式，可以说与其直接资助一些中上的他国知识分子搞私人链接——工薪玩法，还不如直接在美国政治的社交媒体上支持这个人。有流量就有钱，公开的表态和支持换来的是比私人金钱给的那点援助“收买”到的忠诚更大的忠诚。如果全世界都富裕起来了，为文化问题而苦恼，为自身的社交影响力而苦恼，那么其他社交影响力永远也会跟着富人走，想象自己参与一个更牛逼的社交圈子得到的集体认同感，越是庸俗的大众越是如此，而越是高端的知识分子，也还是如此——只要他们不是赤胆忠心的民族主义者，那他们总是想着如此rule the world的，永远离不开行使世界上最伟大力量的主体。 美国政治大舞台，有才你就来。马斯克现在在推特上大搞的“你现在是媒体”里，诸多参与美国政治话题的大v账号根本就不是美国人，甚至不是欧洲人，最著名的一个例子是一个原来在reddit上当版主被赶出去的马来西亚人，已经完美过度到美国政治大v了。这些大v不是只说美国政治，从而只影响美国人。实际上他们凭借对美国政治的看法和立场，也影响他们国内。当他们把他们国内的事件和美国的事件对比时，企图融进自己的那份参与感时更是如此。“美国政治”走出国门，以一种舆论流量界上的“帝国政府”姿态获得他的臣民，这对现有的常识和“国际法”禁止扩张的破坏远比cia资助官方媒体来得更大。这些大v有很多缺点，但是他们的舆论赋权并不须要他们的形象是完全光辉正确的——和“普世价值观”的支持者不一样。当大v们有理由影响美国政治，那他们就影响，当大v们太贪图流量培养脑残粉而被打倒，打倒替代他们的人也不会是所谓的“反美团体”，而会是同样关心美国政治的新的大v。这种如此优越的新模式不用补助，忠诚度可靠，翻车概率低，充分表达民意到时候出了点什么展现人性本恶的事情也不会被无脑白莲花骂美国政府自己，对比旧模式来说，替代升级可以说完全是必要的。只是旧模式下人们还是熟悉那种光辉形象的路线，对新模式欲拒还迎而已。 这种新模式的缺点是信息过多，让人难以像看传统媒体的专栏一样快速浏览全局，缩减信息采样规模容易陷入信息茧房，以及由于大众本身就是相对弱智，其对国家政治的影响能力如果落于实处往往是错误后果自讨苦吃（但是是民主）。而且流量大潮的新模式在一些议题上往往是难以岁月静好的——底层想靠舆论权发声获取权力，高层知识分子想靠流量快速打破庸人的平衡——这也很符合美国右翼的现状，不够岁月静好，对于掌握国家全局利益就会难度增加，得及时推出小的改革和小的斗争进步消耗底层的精力，**至于高层，有时候的确是改了更好，看情况。** 取代旧模式所带来的种种质疑和混乱，在某种程度上都是必须要有的——因为目前旧模式仍然符合太多人，主要是政治思维不完善，知识分子阶层水平拉跨的非发达国家的民主自由派的需要——而且这部分人是新模式最针对的对象，就指望你来稳定世界秩序了，但是这批人多数还是活得太安逸了，嘴上造造反吹下牛逼就过去了，要么个人经济生活不成问题本身名利双收根本不肯冒被骂的风险上舆论前线服役没有进取心，要么实在太穷为生计忧虑担心自己挺不过创业期还会被“圈内”规则冷冷镇压，对于他们而言，稳定的收入才更好。我说的就是美国目前最大的竞争对手，世界上发展型独裁政治的最后堡垒中国，某些话中人不要东张西望了。这是一种腐败的现状，是必须打破的，而其需要的就是外部的流量能打破中文圈的经济自主性，制造流量热钱的同时破坏掉中文圈原有富贵的扯淡大v社会舆论惯性优势，还舆论权于斗争者。可以说让中国人吃上美国的流量饭，而不是中国人的舆论权根据其经济社会（被共产党控制得死死的）固化，是这个新模式最核心的任务。 所以你也可以想见，未来的中共要面对的最新最强的“意识形态威胁”，不会再是“颜色革命”（在中共的体制内婆罗门目前的腐烂程度来看，靠中上产+官僚起牵制独裁的作用几乎一无所成或者遥遥无期），而是文化战争大潮，是从外对内的自媒体战争，以此输出秩序。全球霸权要培养的肯定是那些有能力输出让稳定社会的力量而不是从混乱的社会中攫取资源的力量（即使是以好的名义）。很多中文人痛斥马斯克炒作缺点多，而我更讨厌一成不变坐享秩序的炒作者。大众想要参与度想要装逼想要炫，你只想着“为人民服务”你算老几？ 人类就是动物，物质生活充裕后这一面不是消失了而是被升华了。而很多人的文明观还停留在“存天理，去人欲”的阶段。 自媒体以破坏性的姿态席卷全球，不会是泡沫也不会是一种激进运动的错觉，它现在最多能算是“早期的混乱”。归根结底是在信息化时代，很多不合理的利益，不合理的道德取向是依靠不理性的惯性维持的，大众通过另一种不怎么理性的惯性打破它也是一种自然平衡。自由人应该乐见人类能力的边界，把曾经装扮整齐的草台班子现出原形当作一种必要的牺牲，就像脱离恋父恋母情结一样。 熟悉中文红迪反贼圈的人（以views量计算9k左右知道ku岛事件所暴露出你共舆论控制及其草台班子程度的真人用户，70个左右有信息敏锐度，san值足够其跨过羞耻心壕堑主动追踪事态发展，其他特别的追踪人士我就不确定了）还应该知道，在这种新模式到来的更替之时机，中共和马斯克的冲突其实是不可避免的。保持着冷静的中共网络宣传相关部门在这方面最上层脑死亡得比马斯克买下推特更早，哪怕是靠管理老支人的强硬惯性，表现得也只会像是全身骨质酥松，一对碰各种骨折。这是以肌肉对朽骨的碰撞。担心马斯克会勾兑中共从而毁灭民主的人，其实都心理没做好舆论被从外部开放的心理准备——某种程度上可能也是想象不出来。他们对民主的毁灭的反应甚至可能只是拍拍屁股高枕无忧。 当川普靠着maga和民粹信心饱满之时，更多的剧变都在发生，比如ai造成的低端岗位失业，中美对抗可能波及全球非发达国家中产被锤，控制移民的西方带来的灯火重燃等等。这是一个社交时代，很多在这个时期发生的碰撞会有很多比”实际利益“”民族优劣“更重的”pua煤气灯“”鄙视草台班子被反杀“”弱智发现自己有多弱智“”全民展现人类劣根性又呼唤英雄“”我宁可叛国也要鄙视穷人“等味道的非常荒诞抽象的事情。可以说美国中心官僚体制的一声彻响，整个世界有各种各样的人都会在潜规则下变得狰狞。 而不管怎样大众最后会顺从”结论“：这个世界原本有些东西错位了，经历了一些变故，然后又被纠正了过来。这难道不是野心家通过天堂最好的身份证吗？

7,332 M’sians in hardcore poverty, over 1,700 in KL

Advice on fixing wiring for 3-gang light switch box

# Problem I have a 3-gang light switch box with one 3-way switch and two single-pole switches. I attempted to replace the two single-pole switches with **new** smart switches. After turning the power back on I realized things were not working as expected. NOTE: I did not take a *before* photo. Instead of attaching a photo of the current state, I opted for a diagram of the box since the wires are quite messy.  # Details The diamonds are wires coming into the junction box. The squares are the switches. I color-coded everything to match how it is in the box. The circles with X's are wires that are hanging/not connected to anything at the moment. Switch 1 is the 3-way switch. I unfortunately undid the wiring for its common terminal while installing the 2 new single-pole switches and now it's a mystery how to get it working again. I have tried connecting it to wires A and B separately but it never sends power to the light, even after switching the other 3-way switch both ways. Switch 2 is one of the new single-pole smart switches. I have tried connecting each of its black wires to wires A and B but it never sends power to the light. Switch 3 is the other new single-pole smart switch. It *does* work. FWIW, I used an analog multimeter and measured voltage across wires E and F and across wires B and E. There was no reading between B and F, A and B, A and C, B and C, A and F, or C and F. Idk if this information is useful or if/how to act on it. # Asks Is this fixable by a DIYer (me)? Anything else I should try? Is it time to just call an electrician?

u/churchofmommymilkers

This one really fucked me up. The user made a post to r/suicidewatch some 8 months ago entitled "killing myself before my 23rd birthday". It was not as much a cry for help as an apology for what they were planning on doing. I and some others commented trying to dissuade the user, who appreciated the thought but seemed resolute. I made an attempt to private message the user on may 17 2024, which I suspect to have been the day of the user's death. I received no reply from u/churchofmommymilkers and the account has since been deleted. I can't help but assume the worst. Rest in paradise.

Finished priming my Devil fish and new commanders (bonus knight)

books for folk guitar with advanced fingerpicking exercises (blues, country, folk)?

I picked up a country music book recently and realized that it's definitely more stimulating to read on a piece of paper. I like folk (Linda Perhacs, Jackson C Frank, Nick Drake…) ,baroque folk (like Bert Jansch) and drone folk (John Fahey), however I would like to delve deeper into blues (I love Skip James) and country (I love Leo Kottle, and in the last book I discovered Sam McGee that is really cool too) , but all advice is welcome regarding these genres! I feel at a good level so I would like something even difficult that I can spend days learning. I would prefer to avoid genres such as flamenco, jazz or bossa nova for the moment

If seeing this in Laravel makes you 🤮, get Sentry.

If seeing this in Laravel makes you 🤮, get Sentry.

Somehow, I still feel tired...

LOL

Amazing what a month off the booze and making an effort to train and sleep well can do though.